Some weeks more than others I am reminded of little Grace's mortality. Williams Syndrome is a fairly complicated diagnosis, so many organs/glands can be affected. Grace sees SO many different specialists and gets tests ran on her all the time. The goal is to catch a problem before it is given time to make a larger problem out of itself. But Dr.s aren't perfect and sometimes even they miss something. I used to drive myself crazy running scenarios through my head of what could have been missed and just worrying myself silly in general.
One day this verse came to mind:
Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
EVERYDAY I have to give over my little girl in prayer. And the promise is true, the peace He gives surpasses all understanding. I can't wrap my mind around how He take such fear and stress and replaces them with unadulterated peace...
I know that there is always an incredibly small sliver of a chance, that one morning when I walk into her nursery to wake her up that she could have gone to be with Jesus over night. With all the advancements in technology and her great Dr.s I know this happening is practically nil, but I know it is not so outlandish to never happen.
My worry was that I would be hit so hard, I would not rejoice in the life that was given her; but be incredibly angry in the time that was lost. I am sure that there is probably healthy level of anger that we experience in the grieving process, but that's not the anger I am referring to.
When Philippians 4:6-7 says "in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God," that means when I give over my fears and stresses I do it in Thanksgiving. I also give thanks for the sweet girl I get to spend one more day with. Each day with her is not one to just "get through," but one to be savored and relished! Children are miracles which we should never take for granted; they teach us more about the Heavenly Father than they ever realize.
I hope that whenever God does call my sweet girl home, whether it be two years or eighty, that I look back on the gift of life that blessed our little home and not look ahead at the time that was lost.
Proverbs 27:1 "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day might bring."
Each day with our children is a miracle. Love them, spend time with them, and let them know how cherished they are Everyday. I look forward to all that God will continue teaching me through our little miracle, she has blessed me in ways she may never know.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
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Thank you so much for this... even though it is a year old. My son survived an injury to his brain in utero and I still struggle so much. It is soo hard to find other "natural living" parents who are also special needs parents! I am so glad to have found your blog!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I am glad you found me too! :) As special parents, we need to have community with each other. It's not an easy road, but they are our babies; and we walk it without regard to the consequences. Love that you are a natural mama too! We are a very small group, but hopefully growing! :)
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